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The Fast and the Hilarious: Mall Security Pissed

2009-08-28 11:05:19 by MagicalSarai

Ok... since no one seemed to care about my review of Batman: Arkham Asylum (the previous news post), I have decided to continue with time honored storytelling.

It's not a secret that I like to drive fast. I also like to drive insanely fast... it's fun and I like watching people around me have their minds blown. It is also a hazzard though, because the police are a continual annoyance to my pastime. However, I have found a solution: Mall parking lot... the police do not patrol and Mall security cannot issue tickets or give arrests. As long as I'm not breaking any major laws... traffic violations do not cout on private property (thank you mall owning people!!).

So my friends and I have taken to the mall parking lot the last few nights for some... automobile fun.

I'm quite good at driving and my little car is quite useful for drifting... that being said, people like hoping in my car as I take it around the parking lot going 80kph. I hug light poles, other cars and make ninty degree turns... I'm as fun as a ride on disney world... but I can't be selfish; other people need a chance to show off and I understand this. Last night two of my friends took turns showing off. The first did a remarkable drift in a large truck without flipping it... I doff my hat to him. The other... well she just needs to learn one major lesson: not everyone can drive impressively. Some people need to just not try at all.

Well... she learned a little bit too late. While going 60mph... she either was not paying attention, or she was blind; whatever the reason... she hit the cement curb and launched into the air and through a small grassy knoll and back onto another section of the parking lot--effectively shredding the front left tire... and cracking the front axel on her sports car (it's a camero... very nice... or it was). I was torn between horror... and laughter because it was quite comical.

None the less... I went over to use my proficient mechanic skills and pronouced a verdict: This shit just fucked you up!

I think I was accurate in saying that. When the tow truck arrived the driver estimated about 7000 in damages... which probably would tone down to 5400 at a normal body shop. Still... tore the vehicle up! Not only that, but the mall security were all around like ants!! And they couldn't even believe what had happened. Needless to say... my Fast and Furious dreams have been satisfied for the moment... and I have a story I'll never let her forget.

Word of the day: Assume - when someone thinks they can do something, just because they've seen it done... or because it looks easy... to believe that you can be perfect without practice... or to make an ass out of u and me... When the blonde affects your higher level brain functions and you lose all rational thought...


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2009-08-30 16:30:30

that's pretty humerus and also eerily similar to my new post

I wouldn't be so sure about the loophole between jurisdictions of territory

it may be that they have to go though a chain of command before pursuing you but they will nail you if you are doing dangerous things

I never saw your post about the new Batman game, I think you post things too quickly

you lead an exciting life but everyone else is boring so they need time for such things

my only question is

why did you measure your speed in KPH?

does that mean your are not in America?

please answer by PM